The Year I Stopped Making New Year Resolutions

We had just finished the watch night service that ushered us into the new year. While seated with my lifelong friend, overwhelmed with sobriety, emotions and seeming conviction, I told him I was done with all our escapades. I wanted to lead a new life in the new year. My friend could not understand the sudden soberness that came over me. But he respected me enough to give me benefit of the doubt.

For the few days that followed, I felt like I was living in the Holy of Holies, wining and dining with the archangels while every other person was a mere mortal condemned to rot in hell.

But, like a one-minute man, it didn’t last long. After about 2 weeks, I was back from the holy mountain to the company of men. My sobriety had worn off. I couldn’t keep up with resolutions rooted in emotions but lacking true conviction. And that was the year I bid bye to “New Year Resolutions”.

The euphoria of festive periods has a way of being deceitful. It makes us feel we can go to church as fornicators and liars by 11:59pm on 31st December and leave as winged angels by 12am on 1st January. Yes, there is grace and forgiveness available. But it is the same you who walked in by 11:59pm that will walk out by 12am. Magic won’t transform your orientations, your outlook, vulnerabilities, genetic make-up, character etc, within the space of one minute because you tag it as a new year.

Rather than fall for the facade of “new beginnings” every new year, be committed, as I am, to a lifetime and lifelong plan of getting better as a human, a man (or woman), a husband-to-be (or wife), a father-to-be (or mother), a colleague, a professional etc, either it is on 31st March or 31st December.

Then, you can live above the skin deep emotions of new years, when all we are doing is moving from one day to another while life continues in its usual locomotion. At least, God is not bound by the concept of Gregorian calendar.

​TO THYSELF BE TRUE!

After I woke up from sleep following the crossover service, one catchphrase that kept disturbing my thought process was this:

“To thyself be true.”

I’ve not heard it in recent times and neither have I seen it. So, I knew straight away that this is my guiding principle for the year.  

It was a line in Act I Scene III of Shakespeare’s Hamlet rendered by Polonius fully as follows:

“This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man”.

Really, as humans and as we undertake the journey of a new year, we need to learn to be true to ourselves in all ways, at all times. Being true to yourself will make you expend less energy on things not beneficial for your growth and advancement.

• No matter your level of expertise in your chosen field or career path, there’s always one person better than you. You can genuinely aspire to be better than such a person. You can put in all the hard work for your own personal and professional development. But to thyself be true, envying and hating on such a person won’t bring him down and put you up.

• At this present stage of your life, look deep within you. You know what to do to move to the next stage of your life that you so much crave. To thyself be true; do it. Do it even with your fear of failure. It may not be easy. Actually, it won’t be. It will require consistency and patience. Beautiful things take time to build. 

• To thyself be true; many people, due to their circumstances of birth or some other factors, will have better opportunities than you do. Rather than throw yourself a pity party, put in the required work and pray for grace. A pinch of grace can make an ordinary man look like a superman. 

• Give no room for negativity and do not hesitate to axe dead woods from your life. One attribute which doubles as both a strength and a weakness in my life is that I believe in people to a fault. I was denying the latter until about three friends pointed it out to me towards the end of 2017. 

I hardly cut people off from my life but I had to deliberately do it at the tail end of 2017 when it was clear that two friends were giving me some negative energy and needless drama. To thine own self be true; not everybody in your life is needed to make your life glow. Too many chefs will spoil a food. Too much make-up will make a woman look like Klitschko in the hands of Anthony Joshua.

• To thine own self be true; there will be many women more beautiful than your wife. There will be many men richer than your husband. Contentment is all you need.

Finally, while being true to yourself, find some real people. Build your lives together. Be true to yourselves. Life is not fair. Life is filled with some bunch of bestial hypocrites. Social media is replete with incredible façade. 

But in the midst of it all, good people still exist. Find them. Don’t say “may we be one of them.” Be one of them.

One of the things I advocate for is quality relationships. Build true and enduring relationships. Lean on one another. Life is easier that way. As you are true to thine own self, be true to yourselves. 

As the world is wasting away in self deception and delusion, know ye that thou canst not be false to any man.

WHY YOUR NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS END UP AS MERE RESOLUTIONS AND WHY SOME OF US DON’T HAVE THEM!

At this time of the year some years ago, some serious sobriety fell on me. I told my bosom friend that I was done. I was done with all our vulgar conversations and our relentless chasing of girls. The following year was going to be different. I had resolved in my mind. He was obviously displeased but there was nothing he could do. 

Then some days after, the firecrackers were ceasing. The euphoria of a new year was subsiding. Here I was with my friend, analysing the biggest ‘backsides‘ we saw in church on crossover night. My New Year resolution had gone with the euphoria like a puff of smoke with the wind. That was probably the last time I had a New Year resolution.

New Year resolutions are good. In fact, they energize your soul and mind. But they will only serve as avenues to warm your hearts for a short time if you let them remain as resolutions and not put them into proper shape for execution. Yet, many do not have or believe in New Year resolutions but they live a life doggedly committed to personal growth and development. Getting better as a person is therefore not dependent on the resolutions you put up every year or the numerical value.

Many people come up with resolutions at the end of every year because they are mostly moved by the things happening around them or by the seeming exploits being done by the people around them. Most of these resolutions lack personal convictions and genuineness. It is one of the reasons many end up with same resolutions yearly. Call it annual rituals. If you make another person’s reality your resolution, you won’t have the deep lying understanding to execute. Make resolutions based on genuine and pressing changes you desire in your life and develop a feasible execution plan.

However, many still follow this path and end up not achieving the desired results. Many resolutions are thought up amidst the fanfare and festivities that characterize the end of the year. They are developed in the heat of passion with so much emotional colouration and overtures. 

Emotions rob people of good judgment and the requisite tenacity for personal development. One day you are all pumped up and reeking of energy for the bumpy ride, the next you are like a punctured balloon hanging down the hand of a dejected lad on Christmas day.  I cannot forget the difference between how my sobriety made me feel and how I felt the day we turned backsides analysts.

Come to terms with your feelings. Don’t be fooled by the hyper moments where you feel like Dwayne Johnson. Set resolutions devoid of emotions. Develop piecemeal execution plans. Get yourself an accountability partner if you know you can be a Judas to your Jesus. Don’t be discouraged by the times you’ll fail. Keep being faithful to yourself. Stay true to the process.

The reason many of us don’t have New Year resolutions or believe in one is that we are committed to a lifetime work of becoming better persons on a daily basis. Whenever we fail, we get back up and have a go at it again the next day.

With deference to God for life and breath, the difference between a year and another year is just a second. 11:59pm – 2017; 12:00am – 2018. Why wait for the end of each year before deciding to take your personal growth seriously?
 
I wish you a great 2018.
Cheers!
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Festive euphoria; how plans fade with it!

Over the years, I have discovered that I have become more reserved in celebration, most especially in festive periods as this. Rather than jump up and down, I, with a straight face but deeply engaged mind, ponder on the mistakes and breakthroughs of the past, the challenges and prospects of the unfolding days, and of course, with a heart of gratitude.

It’s a season of euphoria that brings with it plethora of ‘news’ – “new me“, “new life“, and the common “new year resolutions” – many of which turn out to be fickle. As the euphoria dwindles, the fickleness becomes conspicuous.

However, in my reserved state, I’ve come to the realization that in making giant strides in a new year, it’s beyond some deceptive spur-of-the-moment decisions that will simmer down with the euphoria. You have to be intentional. You know when someone tells you that “you did it intentionally“, it means there’s a sense of deliberateness.

So, you have to be deliberate about every one of your plans. Every one! Be daring and raring to go at each one, not because the atmosphere is electrifying but because you’re charged from within to become a better person; not because it’s a new year but because the breaking of each day demands a better you.

BE DELIBERATE. Write down your ideas as they come. Write them! Ponder on them before you launch. Consult extensively. Strategize. Re-strategize. Execute.

 It’s not going to be easy. That’s why you also should not find it easy to fade with the festive euphoria.

Happy new year!
Fadipe S.O.J.