If Arsenal Were A Woman…


For more times than I can remember, I’ve wondered, albeit silently, how I became an Arsenal fan. The recurrent heartbreaks; the usual weekend headaches; the dashed hopes; the too many promising footballing seasons that ended up in our customary league position ( you all know it).


The Invincibles


Captain Vieira lifting the EPL Trophy won in 2003/2004 season

However, things have not always been like this. This club was once the toast of English football; this club at one point in time went a whole season without losing to any team. Yes! The team lost no match during a whole season and racked up 49 games unbeaten. A feat even the arguably greatest team to have ever played the game, Barcelona, have not been able to achieve. This club is the record holder of the English FA Cup, though this was recently achieved.


Several other feats have accrued to the badge of this club. But unfortunately, they all seem to be overwhelmed by the failure of the team in the past few years. As many predicted, this season is on the verge of going down the same lane. One of the most, if not the most promising seasons for the club in recent times is already faltering, failing and falling like a pack of dominoes. The team is about to break our hearts in a grand style again and this is the inspiration behind the title of this piece, “if Arsenal were a woman…”

Relationship experts have held that the cliché, “opposites attract” do not really apply to relationships. So sincerely, if Arsenal were to be a woman, with her flashy colours and adornments, I wouldn’t have been moved and attracted. I have a reservation for flashy women. I prefer the conservative third colour of the blue side of London. But we may be friends, just friends. Definitely not more than friends. No intimacy.

If Arsenal were a woman, with her conspicuous attitude of being too demanding; overly demanding more than every other woman in the neighborhood, trust me, we would not even be friends. No one likes a woman who knows no boundary in making demands, especially pecuniary. No one does. No one. (Arsenal match tickets are the costliest in England)

However, if despite her gaudy and needy nature, the untamed man in me still went ahead to win her heart,
she would have long returned to her father’s house, maybe with bruises and swollen face, for no heart deserves to be broken incessantly like Arsenal does ours.

If Arsenal were a woman, breaking hearts as if they are plastic, no man, not even the most patient and callous of men, would hear of her professionalism in heartbreaking and still be interested.


Listless performances when a win matters the most; the too many outings that suggest lack of belief from the team; the many humiliating results in the hands of both big and small teams. The list is endless. The heartbreak seems ceaseless.

But, like a woman enduring an abusive relationship without an explanation, we are here to stay. This love is unshakeable. We’ve been battered and bruised but we remain allegiant. It might be inconceivable to others why we are so obstinate, but WE ARE THE ARSENAL and this is our team!

However, my only prayer is that I may find a woman to love like Arsenal. That despite her too many shortcomings and inconsistencies,  I’d remain faithful and loyal to her till my last breath.

So, if Arsenal were a woman, with this kind of love oozing in my heart for her, her mistakes are forgiven, even before they are made, and my loyalty to her will be unflinching.

May I find her, like I found Arsenal!


Will You?


What if?

What if on a day like this I take you out on a date? A date for two. At a private corner on Broad Street. In the eventide.

The path leading to the well-adorned table; paved with jasmine of soothing smell, and chocolate cosmos of light vanilla fragrance. Both creating a tender sensation under our feet.

Your right arm under the protective cover of my left. We walk gracefully.

The corner; dimly lit with candles tardily burning to the rhythm of the atmosphere.

Soul music plays at the background.

From across the table, you look radiant. I’ve never seen you like this. The smile that forms at the corners of your lips melts my masculinity.

Let not this perfect moment be ruined. “Should I pop the question?” “Yes I should”.

I go down on one knee. I start:

“Baby, among many you stood out.”
“I tested many waters but all drowned me; you stood out”.
“I almost gave up on love. But my final trial became my perfect trial. You stood out.

I dip my hand into the inner breastpocket of my jacket.

” Baby, will you?” She gasps for breath

“As I have made you smile with this fantasy date today, will you make others smile in reality in 2016 with a genuine show of love?”

“Will you lift others up when they are down?”

“Will you still believe in others even when they fall short of it?”

Will you?

With love from The B.E.L.I.E.F. Initiative.

We wish you a Merry Christmas and a 2016 reeking of dogged feeling of possibilities.

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Few Weeks to Law School… There’s No Better Time

Law School logo

After several months of waiting for Law School (especially for those of us who should have gone since last year), the wait is now gradually winding down and the big day is almost here. As expected, there is huge anticipation and anxiety in the air and preparation for resumption is in top gear.

However, apart from the expected anticipation, anxiety, eagerness and fear for some, there is a growing trend among the Law School hopefuls which is worth mentioning. This trend will be illustrated in these three fictitious but real cases;

  1. Isaac Odugbemi v. Queen Esther: In this case the “petitioner” is a friend of mine who has been courting the “respondent” for an intimate relationship for a period up to 10 months. During this period, both parties were going out and acting as couples but the petitioner was not satisfied and wanted to be sure of the real state of things before the next big thing in his life. So, few days ago, he asked again for an explicit answer and was cocksure of getting a positive reply but as fate would have it, he got an emphatic “NO”. It was a hard pill to swallow but surprisingly after a few days, he was praying the trial judge, saying, “There’s no better time for judicial separation”.
  2. Abednego Kanu v. First Bank: Both parties had been judicially noticed as couple for some months even though there were pressures from third parties to dissolve their “marriage”. However, after a few months of being away from each other, mistrust crept into them and the petitioner started accusing the respondent of bigamy. Few days ago, the petitioner petitioned for dissolution of their marriage but the respondent had no iota of objection and could not hide her joy, saying, “At least, I’d be free for the next one year”.
  3. JOE & 17 ors v. FFA & 17 ors: Some months ago, the respondents got a decree absolute against the appellants but the latter appealed the decree which has been before the Court of Appeal since then. But few months ago, the appellants brought an application before the court to withdraw the appeal on the ground that “the decree absolute is a blessing in disguise”.

From the foregoing, I believe strongly that you already know the trend. So, the question is, “why are many Law School imminent students fleeing from boarding the “ship of relation”? Ships of relation whose anchor could not hold are getting hit by the iceberg.  The imminent ones still trying to set sail are backing down. But I begin to wonder, what then should singles who are married do? We all know them. Should I mention names?

wpid-img_20150815_220202.jpgWords of Onele Joseph, Esq.

The stories of the arduous, rigorous, voluminous and expensive nature of Law School won’t stop ringing in our heads. As a result, no one wants Iya Kayode’s money or Baba Aanu’s sweat to be in vain. No time for pestering and peevish complaints of “Are you now seeing another person over there?” or “you did not even call me since last week, isnor good o.” “Wait, why should I call you?” “Se ota aje ni iwo ni? “Are you an enemy of progress?”

However, it is worth noting that as there are two sides to a coin, it is the same with this issue at hand. Just as some are fleeing, some are prepping to board this ship or as they always say, “love finds us in least expected places”. I heard one of our brothers found the woman that now makes his heart skip a beat in this same Law School we are talking about.

So, I just think each person should do according to what pleases him or her. But for some of us, during the next one year our emotions will be under lock and key while the key will be left at home.

Few weeks to Law School, give him quit notice and he’ll gladly tell you, “There’s no better time.”

Few weeks to Law School, we can’t wait!

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Pay-rent-ing (2)

Let’s do a bit of play on words. Children are like rented apartments and as is the practice, two things are always NEEDED by the landlords: timely payment of a tenant’s house rent and proper maintenance of the house. Anything short of these, like a triple-filtered beer, eviction plans will be brewed. But, faithful adherence to these two policies might even earn such tenant the award of “best tenant.”

With children, parents are not landlords, they are only tenants meant to give proper care and attention to God’s houses – the children, because when the time comes, ideally, a tenant is expected to leave a rented apartment, just as children are expected to, along the line, get weaned from their parents and become independent.

As a result, parents are saddled with the vital responsibility of pay-rent-ing, which means giving proper care and attention to the children while the tenancy lasts. If all parents can untiringly pay-rents, then the world will be a better place, because as it is always said, the family is the first and most important unit of a nation. If we all can purpose in our hearts to make our marriages work against all odds; if we all can give our all to having coherent and integrated families; if we all can see it as our first responsibility to build enduring relationships, then who needs to be gay?

In the same vein, I’m yet to see a prudent and reasonable person who has several rented apartments. It is foolhardy to bite more than one can chew. Likewise, It is unwise to produce more children than one can cater for. Wisdom is profitable to direct.
However, it is no uncommon phenomenon to see “okada” riders with daily income less than what can sustain a University student, to put two wives at home and rear children like chicks in a poultry but still chase two left-legged girls whose futures are as bright as foggy skies.

Cut your coat according to your cloth; let parents diligently pay-rents and let’s paint our world with the glittering colours of love.





What started as a fierce and blood-promising battle ended as a show of courage and real sportsmanship; the Nigerian 2015 general elections. March 28 and April 11 served as another avenue for destiny to be re-written and the people have duly decided, using the power of the ballot.

In the build-up to the elections, several prophecies of doom were declared and there were expectations of violence on a large scale but the post-election ambience has been one of peace and tranquility. Kudos to the first Nigerian President to lose the bid for re-election. I do not regard him as a hero as many have done but I see him as a record-breaker in both negative and positive senses. But this is a debate for another day.

Many lessons have been learnt and several articles have proceeded from the outcome of the elections but after spending few minutes in Zik Hall loo some days ago, there was a rush of inspiration to write from another perspective, that of relationships.  I thought, “How did a man’s ladder of ascension turn out to be his source of downfall four years later?” How did the ‘relationship’ between President Goodluck Jonathan and Nigerians deteriorate in the span of four years and how was General Muhammadu Buhari able to woo over Nigerians after three unsuccessful attempts at the Presidency? The following are my five relationship take-aways from the just concluded historic elections.

1. Nothing lasts forever
If there is one belief I’ve always had, it is that nothing lasts forever, including relationships. Relationships break, courtships end, marriages at times end up in divorce etc and definitely, life goes on. It is this belief that my dear friend and mate, Queen of http://www.queenoset.wordpress.com does not feel comfortable with whenever I express. An argument once ensued on this topic some time ago during our days in University of Ibadan. But it is the truth, nothing lasts forever. However, this does not mean that all relationships are always headed towards break-up. Accepting only one side amounts to allowing the dangers of a single story.

The relationship between Nigerians and GEJ was bound to end one day. It was just the early break-up that GEJ never saw coming. And one day, GMB will also become Nigerians’ ex, whether by exhaustion or through the same fate that befell his soon-to-be predecessor.

2. Sustenance of romance
More often than not, relationships can become boring, the initial spark can fade away and monotony sets in.  Then partners start looking for the easy way out. A very good way of preventing this is that initial romance needs to be sustained. That a woman has finally ‘succumbed’ and has become your ‘bae’ should not amount to automatic decrease in the things you did to buy her over. If you get her, you should keep her, except, of course, she doesn’t want to be kept.

Many politicians fail to realize this principle that campaign is done in poetry and governance in prose, as was said in “Yes We Can! The Lost Art of Oratory.” As a result, they sharpen their tongues for campaign but their actions become blunt during governance. President GEJ rode on Nigerians’ sympathy and dogged support to Aso Rock but could not sustain it with his show of over-liberalism towards corruption and inability to protect the lives and properties of those on whose shoulders he rode to Abuja. Consequently, the relationship became strained and the people in turn fell in love with the General.


3. Love doesn’t cost a thing
It is the truth that love does not cost a thing. It cannot be bought. No amount of movie dates at Ventura Mall or shopping dates at Shoprite can buy love. You’d only end up being the sure-fire ATM. Even though I personally wonder if I buy a brand new car for a lady, she won’t fall in love with me. But definitely, I won’t do such for a random lady if the means abound.

In the just concluded elections and the recent ones, it has been proven that the people have become much more enlightened. Neither their conscience, love nor their votes could be bought with money. Some even collected money from opposing candidates but voted for those they already had in mind. Some of these politicians also realized this. For instance, in my hood, they told people that they would give them money only after they had cast their votes for the ruling party. But after the announcement of results, the victory shout signified that the people cared less about the penny they would have collected. Love does not cost a thing.

4. Blood seldom fails
Out of the different types of relationships, it is the blood relationship that fails the least. Family will always be family. Definitely, I agree that brothers can become sworn enemies and parents can disown children but the failure of marriages, sexual and platonic relationships have put to shame the rate of blood betrayal. Your boyfriend can become your ex, your wife can run away with another man, your friend can ditch you but your brother will always have your back, ceteris paribus.

It was not surprising that after the results of the elections were announced, President GEJ won in almost all, if not all states in the East and South-South and General Muhammadu Buhari won massively in the North. Their respective brothers had their backs, including cattle and minors. Blood seldom fails.

5. Never give up
Finally, another very important relationship lesson to take away from the general elections is to never give up on the one whom you love. For men, some ladies may not give you problem while some may play the hard-to-get game. For the latter, do not give up. You might end up being her knight in shining armour. Keep trying but do not get cornered into a ‘dangerous zone’ that can kill your dream. However, ladies should also note that an over-flogged hard-to-get will make you become hard-to-want.

Buhari never gave up on Nigerians. We played hard-to-get with him on three occasions but eventually found a soft spot for him and gave him our hearts on the fourth attempt. Dear brother, never give up on the sister.


If you see love…



If you see love, tell her I’ve moved on. Tell her I have finally embraced the Ecclesiastical principle that there’s time for everything. Tell her that a man who spends his prime on frivolities will munch the corn of ignominy. Tell her.

If you see love, tell her I once fantasized. I once fantasized about the holding of hands with fingers interlocked while plying the lonesome paths, with the waves of trees, mild shines of the sun or the illuminating rising of the moon and the soft trilling of rollers as sterling testaments to the enviable depth of our mutually affectionate heartbeats. Tell her I no longer daydream. I’ve been stung by the pangs of reality.

If you see love, tell her I tried divers outfits but none matched. Definitely, none could satiate the insatiable fantasies. None could. So I decided to move on.

If you see love, tell her I now chase something else. Tell her that a man needs money. Even to maintain the corpus of love, a man needs money. I now chase money. I now chase all-round personal development. I now chase the things that make a man command the respect of peers and superiors.



If you see love, tell her I’ve moved on. I’ve moved on but I’ve not given up. I’ve moved to the mountain where no man can reach; where hearts are securely locked away; where love cannot find me.

Tell her I’ve moved on, but I would return. I would return to sing along with Asa; my love you have found me…


Wishes turn kisses


Kilometres may transcend our love
Distance may comprehend what we feel

The terrain of statuses may be our date
The platform of tweets may be our hang out

Drying our tears with kisses may only be with smileys
Walking down the street with fingers interlocked may only be in our dreams


But one day
We’ll no longer share wishes but kisses
For wishes are mere vehicles that drive the heart to fantasy
And kisses are the sacred seals of the soul of love

One day
Time will bolt beyond Bolt
But this matters less
For when the heart feeds on love
Nothing else matters

One day
Texts will turn words
And we’ll no longer work for dreams
But dreams will work for us

In your smiley smiles resides beauty
That transcends the view of the sunset
So why won’t I wait?

For the day that wishes will turn kisses
I’ll wait
I’ll wait for you!